Change through Focus

Psalm 119:12-16

12 Blessed are You, O LORD; Teach me Your statutes.
13 With my lips I have told of All the ordinances of Your mouth.
14 I have rejoiced in the way of Your testimonies, As much as in all riches.
15 I will meditate on Your precepts And regardYour ways.
16 I shall delight in Your statutes; I shall not forget Your word.


I locked my keys in my car Sunday. Jordan came back to St. Louis and unlocked it for me on Monday. Tuesday, I locked them in my car again.
I like to joke with him that it's his fault that I do it. I had never locked my keys in my car before we started dating and since then I've done it at least 4 or 5 times- but as much as I'd like to say that my head is in the clouds all the time because of him... our relationship is really a bit more grounded than that.
So yesterday on my hour-long walk from the Ballas post office to Mobap to catch a ride, I found myself just quietly listening for God's opinion on this matter. What has gotten me so distracted that I can't even remember to take my keys out of my ignition?
I must have walked in silence for thirty minutes before I was about to explode with all the questions. I think, looking back, that maybe God waited so long to weigh in because He misses spending time with me and knew that if He just put it off, I would spend a little more time with Him. That makes me sad, knowing that I ignore him like that a lot. Finally, though, we came to this conclusion.
I think about money. A lot.
Now, I'm not talking about rolling in it. I'm not an extravagant person- I drive a ten year old car and am very happy with it and am about to downgrade to a tiny apartment that I'm incredibly excited about. I just mean that I'm incredibly concerned about living week to week. I am poor. Destitute, even. And I think about it. All. The. Time.
People generally think about idols as something that you love, but I'm starting to believe that it has a lot more to do with what you trust. I realized yesterday that when I got out of my car- I was thinking about money. I daresay it was probably the same on Sunday. In fact, I think about money far more than I think about God.
So on my long long walk yesterday, I gave my money situation to God. I will work hard and try to be a good steward and trust that whatever happens, happens and it's all within His plan and His will. And when I begin to think about money, I am going to immediately meditate on God's word and His ultimate design.
Of course, immediately after I got home, my mom called me to alert me that I had an overdraft. Nothing ever comes easy. But I do have a peace about it. That, literally, passes all understanding.