Change through Listening

So, taking a look back on the last scripture as well as some events that have unfolded today, I want to comment further on talents.

So many times I look at what God has given me and just run with it. I do everything that I can with the talents I have been given because life is short, right?

The problem is that now I am too busy to even pause to ask God what He wants me to do with these talents. I think that it's common sense: I have a little bit of time, I can cram this show in and then a job and another show and some classes... Until now I don't have time to be anything other than mediocre at anything.

I went to Centrifuge a couple years ago, and felt so convicted about my hectic lifestyle that, for the first time in my life, I didn't audition for a show that I absolutely had time for. I thought I would be disappointed. I wasn't. And to this day, I don't regret that time off that I took. Because, oddly enough, it was during that time that I changed my major to musical theatre- one of the riskier, but perhaps best decisions I've ever made.

Now, though, I'm falling back into the trap of busy-ness. The lie that my talents are absolutely needed everywhere that I can fit them. Whatever did St. Louis do before I moved here? How pompous of me.

Today I got a revised work schedule from Stages. Usually, it wouldn't be that big of a deal, but I didn't have any room to move anything around! And it was then that I really believe God whispered in my ear, "You swore you wouldn't be this busy this summer. This was our time." It makes me want to weep even as I type it.

The more I cram into my day, the more likely it is that I will disappoint people and put myself on the black list in theater in this area. God knows this, has known it all along. But I am selfish with my talents- and I rarely want to listen when ANYONE tells me how to use them.

Lord, help me to not be so obsessed and self-important. Teach me to not find my self-worth in all the things I do, but in all the things you've done for me.