So, taking a look back on the last scripture as well as some events that have unfolded today, I want to comment further on talents.
So many times I look at what God has given me and just run with it. I do everything that I can with the talents I have been given because life is short, right?
The problem is that now I am too busy to even pause to ask God what He wants me to do with these talents. I think that it's common sense: I have a little bit of time, I can cram this show in and then a job and another show and some classes... Until now I don't have time to be anything other than mediocre at anything.
I went to Centrifuge a couple years ago, and felt so convicted about my hectic lifestyle that, for the first time in my life, I didn't audition for a show that I absolutely had time for. I thought I would be disappointed. I wasn't. And to this day, I don't regret that time off that I took. Because, oddly enough, it was during that time that I changed my major to musical theatre- one of the riskier, but perhaps best decisions I've ever made.
Now, though, I'm falling back into the trap of busy-ness. The lie that my talents are absolutely needed everywhere that I can fit them. Whatever did St. Louis do before I moved here? How pompous of me.
Today I got a revised work schedule from Stages. Usually, it wouldn't be that big of a deal, but I didn't have any room to move anything around! And it was then that I really believe God whispered in my ear, "You swore you wouldn't be this busy this summer. This was our time." It makes me want to weep even as I type it.
The more I cram into my day, the more likely it is that I will disappoint people and put myself on the black list in theater in this area. God knows this, has known it all along. But I am selfish with my talents- and I rarely want to listen when ANYONE tells me how to use them.
Lord, help me to not be so obsessed and self-important. Teach me to not find my self-worth in all the things I do, but in all the things you've done for me.
The thing that confuses, but ultimately amazes me is how God chooses to use the gifts and talents that we don't realize we have OR uses gifts and talents we recognize in ways we don't expect. For a long time, I struggled with the way God chose to use my musical gifts. I now realize the greater blessing and impact is how He brings greater glory to Himself by using me in "other" ways. Sure, He still chooses to use my musical talent that He developed to bring Him glory, but, especially recently, He has chosen to put me to work with the other gifts: jumping around a room with kids, having good conversation with teenagers, sitting and chatting with an older, lonely person, teaching His word. God knows the best ways to use us at a specific time...lesson learned: don't limit God to the way we interpret our gifts! :)
ReplyDeleteI'm finding more and more that I'm desiring to be used in other ways. I don't think God intended for us to be cooped up in a box. I'm pretty sure it's his desire for us to stretch our wings and stop being one-dimensional!
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