I rely on other human beings way too much. I expect to much out of other people. I get my self worth from the praise and attention of others.
And this is my biggest failing.
The majority of my life has been spent around fellow Christians who have always looked out for me. Being the daughter of a preacher and someone who was heavily involved in the church definitely had its perks. For the first eight years of my life I was doted on by a youth group at Victory Outreach in Iuka, and then for another nine years I was safe at Orchardville. In those situations, it's so easy to get the positive feedback you're looking for from human beings.
When I moved to St. Louis I quickly learned something very important:
Human beings? Yeah, they fail.
It's true, right? We're all just failures that God has redeemed. I know that this is true in me, so why would I not realize that it's true in others as well?
I'm in the process (and maybe always will be in the process) of trusting in Jesus for my self worth. I think it's an important lesson that everyone needs to learn.
I see this a lot with girls and the opposite sex. We are so consumed with the image that we put off to them that we forget: Jesus thought so much of us that he died for us. That he, literally, loves to talk to us. Can't wait to hear what we have to say. He thinks we're beautiful when we wake up in the morning and the makeup that we spent twenty minutes applying last night is smeared across our face, the hair spray that once held perfect curls now holds matted up tangles, and the remnants of last night's perfect dinner date now lingers on our breath like last week's garbage.
After that mental picture, how can we help but wonder at the love of our saviour?
Monday, August 10, 2009
Thursday, August 6, 2009
Loopholes
I am a terrible blogger, but I wanted to share something that I wrote, actually, two years ago. I have several new friends on here now that I thought would find this interesting. :)
From Saturday, September 15, 2007:
A couple months ago I received a letter from the Secretary of State telling me that since I had two tickets and I was under 21, my license was suspended for three months. I thought about how unfair this was since, compared to other people, I had done little to nothing wrong. I mean, I have knows sixteen year olds who drink and drive, get in wrecks and are still on the roads today.
My family and I tried every loophole we and others around us could begin to imagine. We called the DMV's in both Illinois and Missouri, we tried to change my residency, we called our senators- all to no avail.
The whole situation just seemed so hopeless, I finally just gave in and decided to stop fighting it. It was a losing battle. Illinois Vehicle Code 11-601(b) clearly states, "No person may drive a vehicle upon any highway of this State at a speed which is greater than the applicable statutory maximum speed limit." I mean, I definitely went 15 miles per hour over the speed limit both times I was pulled over, even though the second time was a definite and unfortunate mistake. That didn't really matter to the state. There isn't a clause called Illinois Vehicle Code 11-601(b.1) that says that this law is only applicable if the person was malicious in their actions. No doubt about it, I was caught and I was hopelessly stranded in my apartment without my license.
At that moment, my friends seemed to just come out of the woodwork. For over a month I never had to worry about how I would get to work or whether or not I would be able to get groceries. I only needed to call someone and they would be there.
Finally, when a close friend came to pick me up from work one day, I sat down in their car and began to cry. I told him that I had finally completely realized that I can't get anywhere on my own. If they didn't come get me, I would be stuck in the same place. But worse than that, I realized that I would never be able to pay them back. They had not only sacrificed gas to take me places, but their time and their energy that could be used in ways that would be much more productive to them. I could never give that back to them.
Once, I received a letter that told me that I was going to die. For sin, seizing the opportunity afforded by the law, deceived me, and through the law, put me to death (Romans 7:11). This, I believed, was completely unfair. I had, after all, done few things really wrong in my entire life. Compared to others, I was a saint. All of us have become like one who is unclean, and all our righteous acts are like filthy rags; we all shrivel up like a leaf, and like the wind our sins sweep us away (Isaiah 64:6). Starting this year, I tried every single loophole, even trying to deny God's existence, just to get away from the fact that I would have to answer for breaking this law. Unfortunately for me, denying that God exists doesn't mean that he disappears, and the law still stands. ...but you must not eat from the tree of the knowlege of good and evil, for when you eat of it you will surely die (Genesis 2:17). There's no clause in the Garden of Eden. God offered no statement to comfort those of us who would use our own intentions as a crutch to limp into heaven. I was caught in a hopeless spiral of my sin and I couldn't pull myself out.
Funny thing about Jesus: he has no need to find a loophole in the law. I'm reminded of the movie "The Passion of the Christ" when Jesus is laying on the ground, the cross only a few feet away from Him, when He, with what little strength He can muster, crawls to it and lays Himself down on it. I also see Aslan, climbing the staircase to the Great Stone Table, where a witch with a dagger stands waiting for him. Jesus doens't find a loophole, but lays Himself down on the cross to pay the price for my sin.
If Jesus hadn't crawled those few feet, if He hadn't walked that staircase, I wouldn't be able to get anywhere. I would be stuck in the same place, trying to drag myself out of a blackhole of sin that would lead me straight back to death. And I can't ever pay him back. And, yet, he doesn't expect me to. He died knowing that I would fail and I would fall. He died knowing that I was much like Gomer, Hosea's wife, and that I would not only cheat on Him, but despise the price that He paid because I would always be indebted to Him. He died knowing that this summer I would deny him many more times than three. Even today, he calls out, "Kasey Bartley, daughter of Eve, do you love me?"
Yes, Lord. You know that I love you.
I will declare it from every rooftop. My Lord redeems. My Lord is my hope, salvation, love, peace, brother, father, lover, friend.
From Saturday, September 15, 2007:
A couple months ago I received a letter from the Secretary of State telling me that since I had two tickets and I was under 21, my license was suspended for three months. I thought about how unfair this was since, compared to other people, I had done little to nothing wrong. I mean, I have knows sixteen year olds who drink and drive, get in wrecks and are still on the roads today.
My family and I tried every loophole we and others around us could begin to imagine. We called the DMV's in both Illinois and Missouri, we tried to change my residency, we called our senators- all to no avail.
The whole situation just seemed so hopeless, I finally just gave in and decided to stop fighting it. It was a losing battle. Illinois Vehicle Code 11-601(b) clearly states, "No person may drive a vehicle upon any highway of this State at a speed which is greater than the applicable statutory maximum speed limit." I mean, I definitely went 15 miles per hour over the speed limit both times I was pulled over, even though the second time was a definite and unfortunate mistake. That didn't really matter to the state. There isn't a clause called Illinois Vehicle Code 11-601(b.1) that says that this law is only applicable if the person was malicious in their actions. No doubt about it, I was caught and I was hopelessly stranded in my apartment without my license.
At that moment, my friends seemed to just come out of the woodwork. For over a month I never had to worry about how I would get to work or whether or not I would be able to get groceries. I only needed to call someone and they would be there.
Finally, when a close friend came to pick me up from work one day, I sat down in their car and began to cry. I told him that I had finally completely realized that I can't get anywhere on my own. If they didn't come get me, I would be stuck in the same place. But worse than that, I realized that I would never be able to pay them back. They had not only sacrificed gas to take me places, but their time and their energy that could be used in ways that would be much more productive to them. I could never give that back to them.
Once, I received a letter that told me that I was going to die. For sin, seizing the opportunity afforded by the law, deceived me, and through the law, put me to death (Romans 7:11). This, I believed, was completely unfair. I had, after all, done few things really wrong in my entire life. Compared to others, I was a saint. All of us have become like one who is unclean, and all our righteous acts are like filthy rags; we all shrivel up like a leaf, and like the wind our sins sweep us away (Isaiah 64:6). Starting this year, I tried every single loophole, even trying to deny God's existence, just to get away from the fact that I would have to answer for breaking this law. Unfortunately for me, denying that God exists doesn't mean that he disappears, and the law still stands. ...but you must not eat from the tree of the knowlege of good and evil, for when you eat of it you will surely die (Genesis 2:17). There's no clause in the Garden of Eden. God offered no statement to comfort those of us who would use our own intentions as a crutch to limp into heaven. I was caught in a hopeless spiral of my sin and I couldn't pull myself out.
Funny thing about Jesus: he has no need to find a loophole in the law. I'm reminded of the movie "The Passion of the Christ" when Jesus is laying on the ground, the cross only a few feet away from Him, when He, with what little strength He can muster, crawls to it and lays Himself down on it. I also see Aslan, climbing the staircase to the Great Stone Table, where a witch with a dagger stands waiting for him. Jesus doens't find a loophole, but lays Himself down on the cross to pay the price for my sin.
If Jesus hadn't crawled those few feet, if He hadn't walked that staircase, I wouldn't be able to get anywhere. I would be stuck in the same place, trying to drag myself out of a blackhole of sin that would lead me straight back to death. And I can't ever pay him back. And, yet, he doesn't expect me to. He died knowing that I would fail and I would fall. He died knowing that I was much like Gomer, Hosea's wife, and that I would not only cheat on Him, but despise the price that He paid because I would always be indebted to Him. He died knowing that this summer I would deny him many more times than three. Even today, he calls out, "Kasey Bartley, daughter of Eve, do you love me?"
Yes, Lord. You know that I love you.
I will declare it from every rooftop. My Lord redeems. My Lord is my hope, salvation, love, peace, brother, father, lover, friend.
Thursday, July 23, 2009
The Drowsy Chaperone
Sometimes I get incredibly tired of working in theater. You know, worn out from rejection or wondering if I'll ever really be good enough to make a living and, really, is it worth the effort to even try?
That's when I see a show like this one.
The show begins with a three minute blackout. Out of the darkness you hear a voice say, "I hate the theater." Aha! My recent sentiments exactly!
When the lights come up, you see a single man, sitting in a somewhat dreary apartment. Something I think that most of us can identify with- because at some point in our lives most of us have been poor. Especially now.
"Man in chair (as he is affectionately known)," played by the marvelous David Schmittou, plays a record from the fictitious 1928 musical, "The Drowsy Chaperone." Immediately the stage is transformed before us into the set of the musical, using clever set pieces that still match or are actually a part of the apartment.
The characters in "The Drowsy Chaperone" are stupendous, albeit one-dimensional (which is purposeful and one of the running gags throughout the show).
We have a European lover (self-proclaimed "King of Romance"), Aldolpho
(Edward Juvier).
Who is hired to seduce the bride, but instead stumbles upon the Chaperone
(Christianne Tisdale).
The bride, Janet (Tari Kelly), is leaving a life on the stage to get married, but two gangsters (Ben Nordstrom and Michael Baxter) are hired to make sure she doesn't.
Then there's the groom, Robert (David Elder) and his best man, George (Brian Ogilvie)- who just wants to make sure the wedding runs as planned.
The show really does what a musical "should do." For two hours you take an amazing journey with Man in chair, not only seeing the musical unfold, but getting bits of back story and witty quirps from our charming host.
I love this story because I connect with Man in Chair in so many ways throughout the show, as I think most people do. As Jack Lane, our producer, articulated, "We all have something that takes us away." For Man in Chair and for me, that happens to be a great musical. Which is exactly what this cast and crew has brought to Stages.
Go see this show. If you've never been to Stages, I can guarantee that you will leave wondering how you've lived without this place your whole theater life. And, as Man in Chair so aptly says as he closes the show:
"...it gives you a little tun to carry with in your head, you know? A little something to help you escape from the dreary horrors of the real world. A little something... for when you're feeling blue. You know?"
Stages Box Office: 314-821-2407
That's when I see a show like this one.
The show begins with a three minute blackout. Out of the darkness you hear a voice say, "I hate the theater." Aha! My recent sentiments exactly!
When the lights come up, you see a single man, sitting in a somewhat dreary apartment. Something I think that most of us can identify with- because at some point in our lives most of us have been poor. Especially now.
"Man in chair (as he is affectionately known)," played by the marvelous David Schmittou, plays a record from the fictitious 1928 musical, "The Drowsy Chaperone." Immediately the stage is transformed before us into the set of the musical, using clever set pieces that still match or are actually a part of the apartment.
The characters in "The Drowsy Chaperone" are stupendous, albeit one-dimensional (which is purposeful and one of the running gags throughout the show).
We have a European lover (self-proclaimed "King of Romance"), Aldolpho
(Edward Juvier).
Who is hired to seduce the bride, but instead stumbles upon the Chaperone
(Christianne Tisdale).
The bride, Janet (Tari Kelly), is leaving a life on the stage to get married, but two gangsters (Ben Nordstrom and Michael Baxter) are hired to make sure she doesn't.
Then there's the groom, Robert (David Elder) and his best man, George (Brian Ogilvie)- who just wants to make sure the wedding runs as planned.
There are many many more amazing performers, but not many many more hours for me to write about them.
I love this story because I connect with Man in Chair in so many ways throughout the show, as I think most people do. As Jack Lane, our producer, articulated, "We all have something that takes us away." For Man in Chair and for me, that happens to be a great musical. Which is exactly what this cast and crew has brought to Stages.
Go see this show. If you've never been to Stages, I can guarantee that you will leave wondering how you've lived without this place your whole theater life. And, as Man in Chair so aptly says as he closes the show:
"...it gives you a little tun to carry with in your head, you know? A little something to help you escape from the dreary horrors of the real world. A little something... for when you're feeling blue. You know?"
Stages Box Office: 314-821-2407
Sunday, June 28, 2009
Something just for fun
All my blogs are so serious! It's time for something fun and mindless. And I'm at work- so deep blog thinking is discouraged. I stole this from Renee
i am: at work.
i think: about the future too much.
i am: at work.
i think: about the future too much.
i know: what I would like for that future.
i want: to not do the things that I preach against!
i have: everything I could ever need. Along with some things that I just want. God is good.
i wish: I could express feelings in a way that didn't seem clingy or awkward.
i hate: mood swings. Namely, my own.
i want: to not do the things that I preach against!
i have: everything I could ever need. Along with some things that I just want. God is good.
i wish: I could express feelings in a way that didn't seem clingy or awkward.
i hate: mood swings. Namely, my own.
i miss: ...you know who you are.
i fear: being too overwhelming for people.
i feel: strongly. About everything, almost.
i hear: Little Shop of Horrors.
i crave: something.
i search: consistently, for everything.
i wonder: what I will be when I grow up.
i regret: past relationships.
i feel: strongly. About everything, almost.
i hear: Little Shop of Horrors.
i crave: something.
i search: consistently, for everything.
i wonder: what I will be when I grow up.
i regret: past relationships.
i love: my friends. Seriously.
i ache: when I don't understand things.
i care: about what certain people think of me... way too much.
i always: take a shower before I go somewhere. Sometimes I will take another shower if I'm going somewhere else.
i care: about what certain people think of me... way too much.
i always: take a shower before I go somewhere. Sometimes I will take another shower if I'm going somewhere else.
i am not: scatterbrained. I just have a lot on my plate. So there.
i believe: that even if the Bible was a myth, it would be the best way to live. No doubt.
i sing: praises. Now more than I have in a long time.
i don’t always: trust God like I should.
i believe: that even if the Bible was a myth, it would be the best way to live. No doubt.
i sing: praises. Now more than I have in a long time.
i don’t always: trust God like I should.
i fight: with myself.
i lose: to myself.
i never: mean to be annoying.
i can usually be found: agonizing over something new instead of turning it over to Him.
i lose: to myself.
i never: mean to be annoying.
i can usually be found: agonizing over something new instead of turning it over to Him.
i need: a savior.
i am happy about: the blessings I have that I don't deserve in any way. The way that God's plan just keeps unfolding. How He doesn't remember my past. Can I keep going?
I fear snakes too, Renee. Just thought I would throw that in there. Sometimes when I think about them I get woozy.
i am happy about: the blessings I have that I don't deserve in any way. The way that God's plan just keeps unfolding. How He doesn't remember my past. Can I keep going?
I fear snakes too, Renee. Just thought I would throw that in there. Sometimes when I think about them I get woozy.
Thursday, June 25, 2009
Experiences
I think it's time to broach the subject of the past. I try to keep my outlook pretty positive on this blog, but sometimes some deep soul searching and some hard truths are just necessary for learning.
I really like experiences. I like trying new things- daring things. Stupid things, sometimes. My general response is, "I just wanted to say that I have done it." As a result, I've been places and done things that, frankly, I regret.
I think experience is an idol of mine. I feel like my life has just got to be exciting or I'll just blow up inside. So I went searching for an exciting life experience on my own. "I'll just dip my hand in this, so I can say I've done it." "I'll go to this place by myself- because I can." In the past couple years, I've exercised a lot of free will.
The real kicker is that it just didn't fill me up. I thought that I could live an adventure on my own, and it really just made me depressed.
Sometimes I speak words of wisdom that I quickly forget and just don't use them in my own life. Once, I was talking to a good friend about celebrities and all the good things they like to do with their money. I mentioned Brangelina and how they consistently take trips to third world countries- that they are passionate about it. That's fantastic. I'm glad that people like them exist in the world. But what I said then I should have taken into deeper consideration and applied in my own life: What they're doing, it's all mortal. They're feeding, clothing, housing their bodies. I'm sure it's exciting to get to do that for those who cannot do it for themselves. How much more exciting is it to do good things in the name of God? We can feed, clothe, and house their bodies, yes; but what we do is immortal. Because when we serve their mortal bodies, we should also be feeding their spirits. What we do for them will extend beyond this life and reach into eternity.
How exciting can you get? Everything we do leaves a mark in heaven (or it should, at any rate). It makes everything else that we try to do for excitement pale in comparison.
I wish I would have taken my own words to heart a little sooner, but I know that He has amazing things ahead for me that I'm not even imagining. And I'm learning that the more I let go of the experiences I had planned for myself, the more He heaps on new opportunities to serve, lead, and fight for Him.
I really like experiences. I like trying new things- daring things. Stupid things, sometimes. My general response is, "I just wanted to say that I have done it." As a result, I've been places and done things that, frankly, I regret.
I think experience is an idol of mine. I feel like my life has just got to be exciting or I'll just blow up inside. So I went searching for an exciting life experience on my own. "I'll just dip my hand in this, so I can say I've done it." "I'll go to this place by myself- because I can." In the past couple years, I've exercised a lot of free will.
The real kicker is that it just didn't fill me up. I thought that I could live an adventure on my own, and it really just made me depressed.
Sometimes I speak words of wisdom that I quickly forget and just don't use them in my own life. Once, I was talking to a good friend about celebrities and all the good things they like to do with their money. I mentioned Brangelina and how they consistently take trips to third world countries- that they are passionate about it. That's fantastic. I'm glad that people like them exist in the world. But what I said then I should have taken into deeper consideration and applied in my own life: What they're doing, it's all mortal. They're feeding, clothing, housing their bodies. I'm sure it's exciting to get to do that for those who cannot do it for themselves. How much more exciting is it to do good things in the name of God? We can feed, clothe, and house their bodies, yes; but what we do is immortal. Because when we serve their mortal bodies, we should also be feeding their spirits. What we do for them will extend beyond this life and reach into eternity.
How exciting can you get? Everything we do leaves a mark in heaven (or it should, at any rate). It makes everything else that we try to do for excitement pale in comparison.
I wish I would have taken my own words to heart a little sooner, but I know that He has amazing things ahead for me that I'm not even imagining. And I'm learning that the more I let go of the experiences I had planned for myself, the more He heaps on new opportunities to serve, lead, and fight for Him.
Monday, June 15, 2009
Change through Fighting
I always think that it's funny when girls say they expect guys to treat them like a princess. I guess that's ok, and there's a certain part of me that wants that- the flowers, the opening of doors, sweet caring words or songs sung to me. It's nice to know that you're cared for.
At the same time, I've never really been one to love "chick-flicks." I really connect more with action and horror films. I don't like the weepy girl eating ice cream in pajamas waiting for her prince to come. I like Angelina Jolie's character in "Wanted." I'd rather not be a Bridget Jones. I'd like to be a Laura Croft.
I think, sometimes, Christian girls sacrifice the warrior in them in order to not look like they are trying to take a man's place. We're scared to death of being feminists. As if the word itself had something wrong with it. As if thinking that we really can "do ALL things through Christ who strengthens" us will cause us to be unattractive to the opposite sex. Who needs men to subjugate us? We do it ourselves.
I love to think of myself as a warrior more than a princess. After all, the armor of God is for all of us, isn't it? I don't see gender-specific armor in that passage. There are so many examples of strong, warrior-like women in the Bible and throughout our Chrisitan heritage- women who died for what they believed. They are heros.
Mary was one of those warrior-women. All within the first 46 years of her life she was betrothed, impregnated by God himself, ran the risk of being stoned to death for adultery, took a days-long journey at full-term, raised God himself, and watched at the foot of the cross while He suffered, never opening her mouth to stop it because she knew what he came to do. What a woman of strength, courage, devotion, and, well, spunk!
I don't want to be the woman hiding in the shadows while my husband fights for me. I want to be the woman on the front line side-by-side with him- kicking demonic tail.
At the same time, I've never really been one to love "chick-flicks." I really connect more with action and horror films. I don't like the weepy girl eating ice cream in pajamas waiting for her prince to come. I like Angelina Jolie's character in "Wanted." I'd rather not be a Bridget Jones. I'd like to be a Laura Croft.
I think, sometimes, Christian girls sacrifice the warrior in them in order to not look like they are trying to take a man's place. We're scared to death of being feminists. As if the word itself had something wrong with it. As if thinking that we really can "do ALL things through Christ who strengthens" us will cause us to be unattractive to the opposite sex. Who needs men to subjugate us? We do it ourselves.
I love to think of myself as a warrior more than a princess. After all, the armor of God is for all of us, isn't it? I don't see gender-specific armor in that passage. There are so many examples of strong, warrior-like women in the Bible and throughout our Chrisitan heritage- women who died for what they believed. They are heros.
Mary was one of those warrior-women. All within the first 46 years of her life she was betrothed, impregnated by God himself, ran the risk of being stoned to death for adultery, took a days-long journey at full-term, raised God himself, and watched at the foot of the cross while He suffered, never opening her mouth to stop it because she knew what he came to do. What a woman of strength, courage, devotion, and, well, spunk!
I don't want to be the woman hiding in the shadows while my husband fights for me. I want to be the woman on the front line side-by-side with him- kicking demonic tail.
Saturday, June 13, 2009
Sometimes Stereotypical is Needed
You know how alot of times we Christians look down on those "overused" verses? Or feel like if you out and out say that something is out for you, you're being ridiculous or too "spiritual?" Am I alone in this?
Well right now I am under attack. And I don't mean, "Well that's just the way life goes sometimes" attack. I mean eerily specific attacks. I have publicly made the decision to be more intentional with my faith. To stop concentrating on other things more than I concentrate on God. I talked about money- I don't think I particularly want to share the other things at this moment. So what happens? I have found that on every side, on every turn there is a temptation, distraction, or just out and out ATTACK on these areas of my life. It's frustrating and scary. And it's sometimes hard to apply my newfound resolve- I start to fall back into the same traps.
I think, at this moment, I could really use just some over-used, stereotypical verses. You know, some John 3:16 and Philipians 4:13. I need some basics and, with them, some childlike faith that these things are purposeful.
Right now, though... I just kind of want to cry.
Well right now I am under attack. And I don't mean, "Well that's just the way life goes sometimes" attack. I mean eerily specific attacks. I have publicly made the decision to be more intentional with my faith. To stop concentrating on other things more than I concentrate on God. I talked about money- I don't think I particularly want to share the other things at this moment. So what happens? I have found that on every side, on every turn there is a temptation, distraction, or just out and out ATTACK on these areas of my life. It's frustrating and scary. And it's sometimes hard to apply my newfound resolve- I start to fall back into the same traps.
I think, at this moment, I could really use just some over-used, stereotypical verses. You know, some John 3:16 and Philipians 4:13. I need some basics and, with them, some childlike faith that these things are purposeful.
Right now, though... I just kind of want to cry.
Thursday, June 11, 2009
Change through Love Languages Part 1
I was on lifeway.com today and saw an article titled, "Do You Speak Your Mate's Language?" (I would suggest reading the article first, here it is: http://www.lifeway.com/lwc/article_main_page/0%2C1703%2CA%25253D166757%252526M%25253D200740%2C00.html . It's pretty cool.) I was struck by the parallels that God has intentionally made between the relationship of husband and wife and the relationship he desires with us. For the purposes of this blog, I'm going to narrow the discussion down to the five love languages.
Words of Affirmation
But now, O Jacob, listen to the Lord who created you.
O Israel, the one who formed you says,
“Do not be afraid, for I have ransomed you.
I have called you by name; you are mine.
Isaiah 43:1
Quality Time
After dismissing the crowds, he went up on a hillside by himself to pray. When evening came, he was there alone.
Matthew 14:23
Now it was in those days that Jesus went to a mountain to pray, and he spent the whole night in prayer to God.
Luke 6:12
But Jesus Himself would often slip away to the wilderness and pray.
Luke 5:16
Physical Touch
And he took them up in his arms, put his hands upon them, and blessed them.
Mark 10:16
When the sun was setting, the people rought to Jesus all who had various kinds of sickness, and laying his hands on each one, he healed them.
Luke 4:40
When a woman who had lived a sinful life in that town learned that Jesus was eating at the Pharisee's house, she brought an alabaster jar of perfume, and as she stood behind him at his feet weeping, she began to wet his feet with her tears. Then she wiped them with her hair, kissed them and poured perfume on them..."Do you see this woman? I came into your house. You did not give me any water for my feet, but she wet my feet with her tears and wiped them with her hair. You did not give me a kiss, but this woman, from the time I entered, has not stopped kissing my feet. You did not put oil on my head, but she has poured perfume on my feet."
Luke 7:37-38, 44-46
Words of Affirmation
But now, O Jacob, listen to the Lord who created you.
O Israel, the one who formed you says,
“Do not be afraid, for I have ransomed you.
I have called you by name; you are mine.
Isaiah 43:1
Quality Time
After dismissing the crowds, he went up on a hillside by himself to pray. When evening came, he was there alone.
Matthew 14:23
Now it was in those days that Jesus went to a mountain to pray, and he spent the whole night in prayer to God.
Luke 6:12
But Jesus Himself would often slip away to the wilderness and pray.
Luke 5:16
Physical Touch
And he took them up in his arms, put his hands upon them, and blessed them.
Mark 10:16
When the sun was setting, the people rought to Jesus all who had various kinds of sickness, and laying his hands on each one, he healed them.
Luke 4:40
When a woman who had lived a sinful life in that town learned that Jesus was eating at the Pharisee's house, she brought an alabaster jar of perfume, and as she stood behind him at his feet weeping, she began to wet his feet with her tears. Then she wiped them with her hair, kissed them and poured perfume on them..."Do you see this woman? I came into your house. You did not give me any water for my feet, but she wet my feet with her tears and wiped them with her hair. You did not give me a kiss, but this woman, from the time I entered, has not stopped kissing my feet. You did not put oil on my head, but she has poured perfume on my feet."
Luke 7:37-38, 44-46
Wednesday, June 10, 2009
Change through Focus
Psalm 119:12-16
12 Blessed are You, O LORD; Teach me Your statutes.
13 With my lips I have told of All the ordinances of Your mouth.
14 I have rejoiced in the way of Your testimonies, As much as in all riches.
15 I will meditate on Your precepts And regardYour ways.
16 I shall delight in Your statutes; I shall not forget Your word.
I locked my keys in my car Sunday. Jordan came back to St. Louis and unlocked it for me on Monday. Tuesday, I locked them in my car again.
I like to joke with him that it's his fault that I do it. I had never locked my keys in my car before we started dating and since then I've done it at least 4 or 5 times- but as much as I'd like to say that my head is in the clouds all the time because of him... our relationship is really a bit more grounded than that.
So yesterday on my hour-long walk from the Ballas post office to Mobap to catch a ride, I found myself just quietly listening for God's opinion on this matter. What has gotten me so distracted that I can't even remember to take my keys out of my ignition?
I must have walked in silence for thirty minutes before I was about to explode with all the questions. I think, looking back, that maybe God waited so long to weigh in because He misses spending time with me and knew that if He just put it off, I would spend a little more time with Him. That makes me sad, knowing that I ignore him like that a lot. Finally, though, we came to this conclusion.
I think about money. A lot.
Now, I'm not talking about rolling in it. I'm not an extravagant person- I drive a ten year old car and am very happy with it and am about to downgrade to a tiny apartment that I'm incredibly excited about. I just mean that I'm incredibly concerned about living week to week. I am poor. Destitute, even. And I think about it. All. The. Time.
People generally think about idols as something that you love, but I'm starting to believe that it has a lot more to do with what you trust. I realized yesterday that when I got out of my car- I was thinking about money. I daresay it was probably the same on Sunday. In fact, I think about money far more than I think about God.
So on my long long walk yesterday, I gave my money situation to God. I will work hard and try to be a good steward and trust that whatever happens, happens and it's all within His plan and His will. And when I begin to think about money, I am going to immediately meditate on God's word and His ultimate design.
Of course, immediately after I got home, my mom called me to alert me that I had an overdraft. Nothing ever comes easy. But I do have a peace about it. That, literally, passes all understanding.
12 Blessed are You, O LORD; Teach me Your statutes.
13 With my lips I have told of All the ordinances of Your mouth.
14 I have rejoiced in the way of Your testimonies, As much as in all riches.
15 I will meditate on Your precepts And regardYour ways.
16 I shall delight in Your statutes; I shall not forget Your word.
I locked my keys in my car Sunday. Jordan came back to St. Louis and unlocked it for me on Monday. Tuesday, I locked them in my car again.
I like to joke with him that it's his fault that I do it. I had never locked my keys in my car before we started dating and since then I've done it at least 4 or 5 times- but as much as I'd like to say that my head is in the clouds all the time because of him... our relationship is really a bit more grounded than that.
So yesterday on my hour-long walk from the Ballas post office to Mobap to catch a ride, I found myself just quietly listening for God's opinion on this matter. What has gotten me so distracted that I can't even remember to take my keys out of my ignition?
I must have walked in silence for thirty minutes before I was about to explode with all the questions. I think, looking back, that maybe God waited so long to weigh in because He misses spending time with me and knew that if He just put it off, I would spend a little more time with Him. That makes me sad, knowing that I ignore him like that a lot. Finally, though, we came to this conclusion.
I think about money. A lot.
Now, I'm not talking about rolling in it. I'm not an extravagant person- I drive a ten year old car and am very happy with it and am about to downgrade to a tiny apartment that I'm incredibly excited about. I just mean that I'm incredibly concerned about living week to week. I am poor. Destitute, even. And I think about it. All. The. Time.
People generally think about idols as something that you love, but I'm starting to believe that it has a lot more to do with what you trust. I realized yesterday that when I got out of my car- I was thinking about money. I daresay it was probably the same on Sunday. In fact, I think about money far more than I think about God.
So on my long long walk yesterday, I gave my money situation to God. I will work hard and try to be a good steward and trust that whatever happens, happens and it's all within His plan and His will. And when I begin to think about money, I am going to immediately meditate on God's word and His ultimate design.
Of course, immediately after I got home, my mom called me to alert me that I had an overdraft. Nothing ever comes easy. But I do have a peace about it. That, literally, passes all understanding.
Friday, June 5, 2009
Change through Listening
So, taking a look back on the last scripture as well as some events that have unfolded today, I want to comment further on talents.
So many times I look at what God has given me and just run with it. I do everything that I can with the talents I have been given because life is short, right?
The problem is that now I am too busy to even pause to ask God what He wants me to do with these talents. I think that it's common sense: I have a little bit of time, I can cram this show in and then a job and another show and some classes... Until now I don't have time to be anything other than mediocre at anything.
I went to Centrifuge a couple years ago, and felt so convicted about my hectic lifestyle that, for the first time in my life, I didn't audition for a show that I absolutely had time for. I thought I would be disappointed. I wasn't. And to this day, I don't regret that time off that I took. Because, oddly enough, it was during that time that I changed my major to musical theatre- one of the riskier, but perhaps best decisions I've ever made.
Now, though, I'm falling back into the trap of busy-ness. The lie that my talents are absolutely needed everywhere that I can fit them. Whatever did St. Louis do before I moved here? How pompous of me.
Today I got a revised work schedule from Stages. Usually, it wouldn't be that big of a deal, but I didn't have any room to move anything around! And it was then that I really believe God whispered in my ear, "You swore you wouldn't be this busy this summer. This was our time." It makes me want to weep even as I type it.
The more I cram into my day, the more likely it is that I will disappoint people and put myself on the black list in theater in this area. God knows this, has known it all along. But I am selfish with my talents- and I rarely want to listen when ANYONE tells me how to use them.
Lord, help me to not be so obsessed and self-important. Teach me to not find my self-worth in all the things I do, but in all the things you've done for me.
So many times I look at what God has given me and just run with it. I do everything that I can with the talents I have been given because life is short, right?
The problem is that now I am too busy to even pause to ask God what He wants me to do with these talents. I think that it's common sense: I have a little bit of time, I can cram this show in and then a job and another show and some classes... Until now I don't have time to be anything other than mediocre at anything.
I went to Centrifuge a couple years ago, and felt so convicted about my hectic lifestyle that, for the first time in my life, I didn't audition for a show that I absolutely had time for. I thought I would be disappointed. I wasn't. And to this day, I don't regret that time off that I took. Because, oddly enough, it was during that time that I changed my major to musical theatre- one of the riskier, but perhaps best decisions I've ever made.
Now, though, I'm falling back into the trap of busy-ness. The lie that my talents are absolutely needed everywhere that I can fit them. Whatever did St. Louis do before I moved here? How pompous of me.
Today I got a revised work schedule from Stages. Usually, it wouldn't be that big of a deal, but I didn't have any room to move anything around! And it was then that I really believe God whispered in my ear, "You swore you wouldn't be this busy this summer. This was our time." It makes me want to weep even as I type it.
The more I cram into my day, the more likely it is that I will disappoint people and put myself on the black list in theater in this area. God knows this, has known it all along. But I am selfish with my talents- and I rarely want to listen when ANYONE tells me how to use them.
Lord, help me to not be so obsessed and self-important. Teach me to not find my self-worth in all the things I do, but in all the things you've done for me.
Wednesday, June 3, 2009
First Blog- Who am I?
Generally, I hate these first blogs because I can never quite encompass all that this specific blog will entail. So I will simply make a sort of list of the things I know.
I know that I want to create a place where I can explore God's word and how it relates to me in my daily life. This will include, but not be limited to, me as a student, actor, director, singer, and, simply, a person. Hopefully anyone will be able to tap into this blog and glean a little bit from my thoughts.
So, basically, I will chronicaling my daily/semi-daily devotional journeys. Some will be from a Beth Moore devotional that I have yet to finish (sorry, Jordan), some will probably simply be from scripture that I've found that deals with my specific situation.
I think that this is exciting. I hope you do too.
I know that I want to create a place where I can explore God's word and how it relates to me in my daily life. This will include, but not be limited to, me as a student, actor, director, singer, and, simply, a person. Hopefully anyone will be able to tap into this blog and glean a little bit from my thoughts.
So, basically, I will chronicaling my daily/semi-daily devotional journeys. Some will be from a Beth Moore devotional that I have yet to finish (sorry, Jordan), some will probably simply be from scripture that I've found that deals with my specific situation.
I think that this is exciting. I hope you do too.
Change through Talents
Matthew 25:14-30
Parable of the Talents
14 "For it is just like a man about to go on a journey, who called his own slaves and entrusted his possessions to them. 15 "To one he gave five talents, to another, two, and to another, one, each according to his own ability; and he went on his journey. 16 "Immediately the one who had received the five talents went and traded with them, and gained five more talents. 17 "In the same manner the one who had received the two talents gained two more. 18 "But he who received the one talent went away, and dug a hole in the ground and hid his master's money.
14 "For it is just like a man about to go on a journey, who called his own slaves and entrusted his possessions to them. 15 "To one he gave five talents, to another, two, and to another, one, each according to his own ability; and he went on his journey. 16 "Immediately the one who had received the five talents went and traded with them, and gained five more talents. 17 "In the same manner the one who had received the two talents gained two more. 18 "But he who received the one talent went away, and dug a hole in the ground and hid his master's money.
19 "Now after a long time the master of those slaves came and settled accounts with them. 20 "The one who had received the five talents came up and brought five more talents, saying, 'Master, you entrusted five talents to me. See, I have gained five more talents.' 21 "His master said to him, 'Well done, good and faithful slave. You were faithful with a few things, I will put you in charge of many things; enter into the joy of your master.'
22 "Also the one who had received the two talents came up and said, 'Master, you entrusted two talents to me. See, I have gained two more talents.' 23 "His master said to him, 'Well done, good and faithful slave. You were faithful with a few things, I will put you in charge of many things; enter into the joy of your master.'
24 "And the one also who had received the one talent came up and said, 'Master, I knew you to be a hard man, reaping where you did not sow and gathering where you scattered no seed. 25 'And I was afraid, and went away and hid your talent in the ground. See, you have what is yours.'
26 "But his master answered and said to him, 'You wicked, lazy slave, you knew that I reap where I did not sow and gather where I scattered no seed. 27 'Then you ought to have put my money in the bank, and on my arrival I would have received my money back with interest. 28 'Therefore take away the talent from him, and give it to the one who has the ten talents.'
29 "For to everyone who has, more shall be given, and he will have an abundance; but from the one who does not have, even what he does have shall be taken away. 30 "Throw out the worthless slave into the outer darkness; in that place there will be weeping and gnashing of teeth.
I love this parable- maybe because I think it explains perfectly why I think it is so important to expand on what you've been given. My mom asks me a lot why I can't even be content with what I have and just use it. After all, there are plenty of churches out there who would use me as a worship leader or a drama director as I am at this moment- why do I have to be the best? I think the answer is here.
God gives us all a certain number of "talents." Should you be grateful for what you have? Of course! But to take those talents and bury them is such a travesty.
Jordan was leading the youth group at Jackson the other night, talking about God's will. He said to them that maybe the question needs to stop being "What is God's will for me?" and more "Where do I fit into the grand scheme of God's will?" That's why using your talents rather than burying them is so important. If you were created with a certain purpose in mind, your talents will be utilized and stretched and grown into what God needs them to be.
Sometimes I get really discouraged about my major and my career path. On more than one occasion I have, literally, cried out to God, asking Him why He cursed me with the desires and talents that I have. What a rotten way to live- constantly wondering where your next job is going to come from, living your life in a constant state of being judged and measured up, living constantly below average. It's frustrating and maddening and, when I only look at myself, I see failure.
It's then that I realize that these gifts are so not about me. If this life will bring one person to the joy that I have found in Jesus Christ, it will all be worth it in the end.
I think that this scripture warrants more discussion, so I'll probably just continue with it tomorrow.
I love this parable- maybe because I think it explains perfectly why I think it is so important to expand on what you've been given. My mom asks me a lot why I can't even be content with what I have and just use it. After all, there are plenty of churches out there who would use me as a worship leader or a drama director as I am at this moment- why do I have to be the best? I think the answer is here.
God gives us all a certain number of "talents." Should you be grateful for what you have? Of course! But to take those talents and bury them is such a travesty.
Jordan was leading the youth group at Jackson the other night, talking about God's will. He said to them that maybe the question needs to stop being "What is God's will for me?" and more "Where do I fit into the grand scheme of God's will?" That's why using your talents rather than burying them is so important. If you were created with a certain purpose in mind, your talents will be utilized and stretched and grown into what God needs them to be.
Sometimes I get really discouraged about my major and my career path. On more than one occasion I have, literally, cried out to God, asking Him why He cursed me with the desires and talents that I have. What a rotten way to live- constantly wondering where your next job is going to come from, living your life in a constant state of being judged and measured up, living constantly below average. It's frustrating and maddening and, when I only look at myself, I see failure.
It's then that I realize that these gifts are so not about me. If this life will bring one person to the joy that I have found in Jesus Christ, it will all be worth it in the end.
I think that this scripture warrants more discussion, so I'll probably just continue with it tomorrow.
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